March 2020
Have you ever noticed how advertisements for exercise are geared toward adults? I can’t remember the last time I saw an advertisement that was promoting physical activity for children. Yet physical play is crucial for development. One of my sons was struggling to learn to read. Through an extensive search to discover the reason, we found that his binocular vision had not fully developed (which should have happened by the time he was a toddler). The testing results showed how distorted he saw shapes and of course letters and how each glance could be perceived differently. Finally, his reading and writing difficulties made sense. What surprised me was the first suggestion by the Clinician who said, “He needs to be jumping rope.” Why? Because the eye movement that messaged the brain which messaged the legs to jump was in fact an important tool for developing binocular focus!
It frustrates me that recess and P.E. have been so restricted in schools. My third- grade clients get 10 minutes after lunch and P.E. is once a week. My Kindergarten clients get 20 minutes. It is no wonder that children have trouble sitting still to focus in the classroom.
Physical activity does not require you to sign your children up for recreational teams. It can happen in your own yard: play, dance, run, jump, climb, skip, walk. These physical activities are so important for brain and muscle development! Give your kids time for physical play, better yet, get outside and play with them!!!!
Blessings,
Nyla
December 2019 Blog_____________
The holiday season is particularly painful for parents who have lost children. The pain of grief can usher in a time of depression when others are celebrating. The grief they have learned to live with, stings more sharply as parents are again reminded of what they are missing out on. Sometimes parents feel like they don’t deserve to experience joy in the holidays because of their loss.
For the grieving parent, the holiday season becomes a time for self-care which may include everything from surrounding yourself with supportive people to focusing on doing something for others. There is no “one-way” to grieve. If you know someone who has lost a child, let them tell you about the memories they hold dear. You see, the grieving parent does not want to forget those memories, nor do they want you to forget their child.
In the link below, Dr Clark provides 9 tips for dealing with the grief of having lost a child.
https://blogs.stjude.org/progress/tips-for-grieving-parents-to-get-through-the-holidays/
May you find peace in this season,
Nyla
OCTOBER BLOG__________________________
I cringe when I hear parents make statements like, “He is so bad.” because it goes to the personhood of the child instead of their choices, actions, or consequences. A child will live up to the expectations of the significant people in their lives. It is far better to remind them to “make good choices” or help them to realize that a “bad choice has a bad consequence”. When children are told they are bad, stupid, lazy, fat, etc., they begin to believe it and behave accordingly, which is usually just the opposite of what the parent is wanting and expecting. The reality is that we are not motivated by being told negative things about ourselves.
Equally as important, instead of praising a child for who they are (“good girl”), praise them for what they did (“good job”, “good choice”, “that was awesome”) Two important lessons are taught in the process: they are loved and capable NOT they are loved because they are capable.
For more helpful information on self-esteem in children, check out this article by Dr Lyness
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/self-esteem.html
I believe our most valuable sense of self-esteem comes in knowing how much God loves and values us!
Blessings,
Nyla
SEPTEMBER 2019 BLOG________________________________________
“I can’t believe he threw his plate at me…I probably made him mad…I should not have brought up that subject…He was really sorry afterwards…He said he’d never do it again.” These are just a handful of the thoughts that go through the mind of a victim of domestic violence. These thoughts include feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, sorrow, and confusion. But this problem does not go away with an apology and promise to never do it again.
Here are some disturbing statistics published by The American Psychological Association in their article, “Intimate Partner Violence” https://www.apa.org/topics/violence/partner?item=1
1. More than one in three women and more than one in four men in the United States have experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
2. 74 percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner (spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were women killed by their intimate partners.
3. One in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
4. Interpersonal violence is the leading cause of female homicides and injury-related deaths during pregnancy.
5. The percentage of women who consider their mental health to be poor is almost three times higher among women with a history of violence than among those without.
6. Women with disabilities have a 40 percent greater risk of intimate partner violence, especially severe violence, than women without disabilities
Domestic Violence has a cycle that begins with manipulation, intimidation, threats, and blame. For many, it ends with severe physical harm and death. Victims are often too ashamed and scared to find help, hoping they can figure out a way to stop the abuse themselves. But that doesn’t happen. There is a cycle to abuse and it usually begins in what appears to be an innocent argument that gets out of hand. But it continues and escalates, affecting every area of life: loss of jobs, isolation from friends and family, control and freedom, finances, safety, self-esteem, and wellbeing. What starts out as jealousy, quickly turns to rage. Threats become physical harm. Manipulation becomes emotional terror. Victims become psychologically paralyzed by their fear of the abuser when the only way of escape is to leave.
Do you know someone that you suspect may be a victim of domestic violence? Be assured that they are desperately trying to hide it because they are embarrassed and ashamed. Talk with them, support them in finding help, work with them to put together a Safety Plan to use for escape.
Domestic Violence is a problem that doesn’t leave; the victim must do that!
AUGUST 2019 BLOG________________________________________
Movement and exercise are proven to be necessary for our physical and emotional well-being. But it sure can be challenging to make it a priority. I know I am usually searching for motivation.
The following article is great news! “Dancing Can Reverse the Signs of Aging in the Brain”
Put on some of your favorite tunes and move!!! It helps circulation, balance, energy, attitude and more!
Blessings,
Nyla
OCTOBER Blog______________________________________________________________
The more I learn about the brain, the more I am amazed at the process God put in place in His creation of humans. I can cruise along life’s busy highway and not even think about everything going on inside of my head that enables me to function. But as I learn more about the effects of stress on my brain, I realize that I need to regularly take time to get off the highway for a scenic back road in order to create some balance.
Dr Archibald Hart’s book, The Anxiety Cure, describes the process of neurotransmitters, like serotonin and dopamine that carry messages to different parts of the brain. He refers to them as “Happy Messengers”. But stress produces adrenaline and cortisol (“Sad messengers”), which are necessary to alert the body and mind, however, too much cortisol and adrenaline upset the balance of hormones in the brain. A stress response system that is designed to help can get out of hand and consequently work against you.
Too much stress produces anxiety which can overwhelm and undermine your sense of self. It is very important to learn to identify stress (whether it is good stress or bad stress) so that you can utilize well-being tools to balance your brain. What do those tools look like? They can vary from learning proper breathing, body and mind relaxation to learning to say “No” and having a realistic schedule. With stress, this doesn’t happen automatically. There have been times when my husband came to bed after me and said, “What are you thinking about? Your forehead is tense!” I was in the process of trying to fall asleep but was not relaxed. Some of the classic responses to stress are muscle tightness, teeth clenching or grinding, stiffness in the neck or shoulders, headache, fatigue, and sleep issues.
Stress presents itself in many forms: busyness, illness, grief, work, concerns, deadlines, evaluations, relationship issues, etc. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much stress we are dealing with until it begins to show physical symptoms, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed.
Call me if you need help to balance the stress in your life. Anxiety is unpleasant and harmful. You don’t have to wait until it knocks at your door to get help.
Blessings,
Nyla
